Another aspect of symmetry

THE SUNDAY TIMES
Have you got the definitive derriere?

09 April 2006

Few women would claim to have the perfect bottom. But for those in need of reassurance that it is within reach, a scientist has come to the rescue by working out a mathematical formula he believes adds up to the perfect posterior.
The magical figures are (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V. Though the equation looks rather complicated, it is, according to the scientist, simple. It assesses shape, bounce, firmness and symmetry. S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom, C represents how spherical the buttocks are, B measures muscular wobble or bounce, while F records the firmness. V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom, and T measures the skin texture and presence of cellulite.

David Holmes, a psychology lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University, England, devised the formula. He asked about 2000 women across Britain to assess their bottoms using a simple points scale. For example, those who believed theirs resembled a trodden doughnut scored just one point for shape, whereas those with a small peach scored the maximum five. Points were then entered into the formula and the closer a bottom scored to 80, the nearer it was to posterior perfection.

"The perfect female derriere has firmness to the touch and a resilience that prevents undue wobble or bounce, yet looks soft with flawless skin," Dr Holmes said. "Slender thighs and a hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7 will frame the perfect bum, well perfectly."

Dr Holmes said that Kylie Minogue, whose celebrated bottom relaunched her career with the help of a pair of hot pants, would almost certainly score a perfect 80. "Kylie would score amazingly well on sphericality and symmetry. Her bottom is pretty much perfect in these areas, more so than the likes of Charlotte Church or Jennifer Lopez, who have more curvy posteriors," he said. "While no one, of course, can be sure of the firmness and texture of Kylie's bottom, from the exposure it has been given in the newspapers it is obviously muscular and is likely to score highly in these categories also."

Dr Holmes's research revealed that men and women had different opinions when it came to deciding on the best bottoms. While women preferred the larger, curvier behind of Lopez, men found Minogue's pert symmetry more agreeable.

Carolyn Boroden & Mark Braun, likewise, work their tails off, picking bottoms, while, leaving the curve fitting to others. Now, if they could only alert us to wedgies our arsenal for trading would even be more complete.

JAB