"Trading Places" is just one happy family......

FUTURES MAGAZINE
(February 2006 issue)

TRADING PLACES
by Louis Winthorpe 111 and Billy Ray Valentine

The Sydney Futures Exchange (SFE) plans to introduce a boomerang contract. Product development spokesman Mr. Didge Ridoo stated, the only thing to be straightened out (no pun intended) is delivery at contract expiration. In trials for the new contract the receiver never gets delivery, since, it always goes back to the deliverer. We don’t want startup problems similar to the wool contract, where the receiver kept getting fleeced. It’s expected the new contract will make its debut in the second half of 2006.

Lord Russell of Buggeroph, Middlesex, England has threatened the Chicago Mercantile Exchange with legal action on two counts. The first count claims that the family had a Russell contract back in 1865 to trade the Button quail egg and Scotch eggs. The second claim is against the name mini Russell, since, he and all the male Russell offspring’s are now subject to ridicule and mockery concerning their manhood. The claimants are not seeking monetary restitution, just an apology and a contract name change to mini Twit 2001. The CME had no comment.

Chat Room, Tradershaven, is expected to go public with an IPO next month with Goldman Sachs, the lead underwriter. When asked to comment, Tradershaven, founder drbob, said,” I was more nervous when I had to construct my first bridge”. Analyst MarkB through his time expansion projections, expects the listing to trade on May 8 at 8:13 AM at an initial price of $ 2.35. When asked if that was a pre opening price, he said, “no my analysis is done on Pacific Time”.

Stanley Cup, Camille Filters and Avril Showers, from Saskatoon and Moose Jaw, are forming a Canadian Chat Room to be called, LET’S JUST TRADE EH! It will be sponsored by Moosehead beer and Tim Hortons, so there’ll be no fees as long as you live in Canada and understand the metric system. When asked to comment on the future of the Canadian Dollar, Cup said” all I know is it takes fewer loonies to replace a light bulb than before, ok.”

Several trading Chat Rooms are banning together to form a group called Moderators Against Whiners (MAW). Their motto will be IT’S NOT THE SIZE OF THE WICK, BUT THE AMOUNT Of WAX THAT COUNTS.

Trading Elements is set to sign a contract with XM Satellite Radio and go head to toe with Howard Stern on Sirius Satellite Radio. Jean Yus and Gio, admitted they might have to relinquish some of their moderating duties so that others can provide a more formidable challenge to Mr., Stern. When asked whether this meant lesbians would talk about touching support and resistance, transvestites talking about crossovers, midget human bowling balls talking about zero line rejects, lap dancers moderating volatility or the women from Scores showing everyone the three minute trade, Jean Yus said,” I don’t know, but let’s hope HotComm stays on and remember never sell a naked call”.

JAB