“I would not hesitate to invade Canada if they pull out of NAFTA”

DATELINE March 16, 2008
SCRANTON, PA - Presidential hopeful Senator Barack Obama made the remark, when asked to comment on a leaked Canadian government report questioning the benefits Canada gets from NAFTA.The report purportedly suggests renegotiating the agreement with the United States.

The leaked memo from Foreign Affairs and International Trade Canada highlights the fact that Canada is the largest source of US imports for, oil, natural gas, electricity, Molson beer, Hollywood writers, beaver [ed.unsubstantiated], hockey pucks and French Canadians in Speedos on Florida beaches. It further notes that since the loonie is worth more than the greenback, why can’t the Canadian consumer get a Britney Spears Fan Club membership in US dollars.

Obama, in his speech said, “If we have actionable intelligence that the leader of Canada -- President, make that, Prime Minister Chretien, sorry my aide tells me it’s Steve Harper, -- is contemplating renegotiating NAFTA,I as your commander – in - chief would not hesitate in mobilizing the Ohio National Guard, seize the Stanley Cup, put under house arrest anyone wearing black socks with sandals, put tariffs on imported Tim Hortons donuts and Canadian bacon, ban Eskimo sculptures and freeze all Canadian Tire money accounts.”

An unidentified government official in Ottawa responded, "I'm not going to get into, eh, I mean y'know this Obama guy’s a bit of a hoser and probably peed off eh, c’mon, his wife makes him make the bed – dumb hoser!”
JAB