My gift wish list for Christmas 2007:

Dear Santa,
My gift wish list for Christmas 2007:
Dick Cheney - a ‘partridge in a pear tree’

Condoleezza Rice - ‘two turtle doves’

Nicolas Sarkozy - ‘three French hens’

Bill Clinton - ‘four calling birds’

Boston Red Sox - ‘five gold rings’

Hillary Clinton - ‘six geese a-laying’

Ted Kennedy - ‘seven swans a-swimming’

P.Diddy - ‘eight maids a-milking’

Helio Castroneves - ‘nine ladies dancing’

Senator Larry Craig - ‘ten lords a-leaping’

Miami Dolphins - ‘eleven pipers piping’

Rosie O’Donnell - ‘twelve drumsticks drumming’

George W. Bush - a rainbow-colored plastic slinky

Kim Jong-il - Chia Pet

The UN - a gig at the Laugh Factory

Al Gore - a carbon footprint strong enough to hold me

Joey Buttafucco & Amy Fisher - Bada Bing, Bada Boom

Dog the Bounty Hunter - an “Al Sharpton Action Figure”

Paris Hilton - “Piece on Earth”

Loonie - buy the United States, make it the 11th province of Canada and call it U.S.EH!

Nancy Pelosi - a bikini wax

Ron Paul - a reunion with my half brother/half sister RuPaul

Vladimir Putin - mouseketeer ears hat (adult)

Harry Reid - a bikini wax

La Macarena - Al Gore for president 2008

Dennis Kucinich - steroids

Barney Frank - a bikini

Norman Mailer - oops, too late

Rudy Giuliani - “Weekend at Bernie’s,” the DVD

Prancer & Donner - same sex-marriage

Prince Charles - to be King for once

Freddie Mercury - to be a Queen again

Australia – a Nutter like the Mayor of Philadelphia

Pope Benedict XVI – “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin

Mike Huckabee – the biography of Gomer Pyle, “Shazam, Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!”

Hugo Chavez - the Clapper, ‘clap on, clap off’

Conrad Black - Soap- on- a- Rope, made in Canada

John McCain - a %@#* anger management book

Britney Spears - a double-wide trailer

Benazir Bhutto - get General Pervez Musharraf a job at Apu’s Quickie Mart

Heather Mills - a grande ratte

Sudan – a Three Stooges poster of Larry, Curly and Mo – er, Maurice

John Edwards - a picture of John Edwards

Rudolph - rhinoplasty surgery

Writers Guild of America

Fred Thompson - Get Smart: The Complete Collection

Paul McCartney – a woman, who eats meat, drinks milk, wears fur and can stand on her own two feet

New York Times – a Perry Como sweater

Don Imus - a supply of adult size nappies from England

Michael Vick - a ‘hot’ dog

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - a name, people can pronounce, like Darth Vader

Barack Obama - Politics for Dummies, 2nd Edition

Andrea Mitchell – “irrational exuberance”, from Alan

Viagra - mistletoe and office parties

O.J. Simpson - NRA membership

Mitt Romney - ringtone, “Gort! Klaatu barada nikto!”…

ACLU - nativity scenes, in court

Redwood - a hug from Al Gore

The US Military – Aretha Franklin’s “…R-E-S-P-E-C-T…find out what it means to me”

Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism - Peace on Earth
JAB